Barack Obama sends me presents.
Earlier this week, I woke up on a sunny morning and decided to go on a run.
I suited up, opened the front door, and wham! There it was. A package addressed to me!

The return address said “Obama for America.”
While I’m not necessarily a supporter of Obama 2012, I was really excited…until I realized (a) I didn’t order anything from Obama for America, (b) my birthday isn’t for another few weeks and (c) OH MY SWEET JESUS PREZ OBAMA KNOWS WHERE I LIVE?!
I ruled out the possibility that it was sent by a family member or a friend, because virtually every person I know doesn’t like surprises enough to send me a package without advance warning.
I opened the package. (Good news: It’s not a bomb.) Inside I found this mug:

With every sip of my morning caffeine (which, by the way, I don’t drink), I will now be assured that our president is, in fact, an American citizen. Because that green square you see in the above picture is a scanned photo of the president of America’s actual birth certificate.
Despite the fact that I was smitten with Barack’s thoughtful gift, there was no receipt or note in the box. Still a mystery fit for Jack Bauer.
Maybe I should have been content in knowing that yes, I do have a stalker, but at least he or she is generous enough to send me nice things.
But I wasn’t content. So because I am the only almost-20-year-old who believes her mother to be all-knowing, I called the chick. Worry no longer people; my parents ordered the mug for me because they thought it was funny. I guess they forgot the rule about advance warning for any mail that weighs 6 ounces or more. Great sense of humor, parents. There were moments when I actually thought the package contained a bomb/anthrax/ecstasy/the puppy I’ve been wanting for my birthday every year for six years.
Just so we’re clear: My birthday is July 20, and I welcome all unannounced mail (no matter the weight) between July 17 and 24. (Several of my friends also have July 20 birthdays; please feel free to send them gifts as well.)
And, because I know my parents read this: Thank you for the mug! I love it. Since I am on a strict liquid diet of water and diet Dr. Pepper only, I’ve been using it mostly to hold my writing utensils.